i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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