me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
