you have to choose: penises or morals?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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