dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
