I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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