I will die if light touches me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
