I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
