just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
