Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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