Fine. I'll sleep in my office
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
