bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
