hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize