He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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