Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The struggles of a small town man whore
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
