Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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