just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
