i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
