I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
