All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
