Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel great
I just peed on a car
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
