So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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