Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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