He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
