Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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