I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
