Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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