i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
