Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
