I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
