I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize