She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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