So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
