Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
