So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I would fuck him just for his dog
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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