just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
