There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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