Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
