Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
