That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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