i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Of course I have a pirate flag
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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