Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
