...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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