I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize