is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
