The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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