Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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