I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
