Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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