I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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