Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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