She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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