i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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