I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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