Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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