Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
