WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize