whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
