so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
