Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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