Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
worst night to have a conscience
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
