he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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