..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize