I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
