You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
