He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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