They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to make out with him forever
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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