1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
