Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
