He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
