We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
