I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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