oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
