at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
